In February of last year, we started going to church as a family. We chose an Orthodox church and officially joined a little over 5 months later. Becoming Orthodox has brought quite a few positive changes to my life. The one that has been the most significant is prayer.
I stopped going to church when I was a kid, then went a little bit after I got my driver’s license, but ultimately opted out after that. I studied the Bible daily and always considered myself a Christian, but in practice, I joined the “unchurched.” Maybe one day I’ll write a post about why I made that choice, but not today.
One of the things that drew me in about Orthodoxy was the emphasis that is placed on Christian duties. The three main ones being prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. (See Jesus’ sermon on the mount in Matthew 6.) Prayer is different in Orthodoxy than how I was brought up as a Protestant (basically Southern Baptist.)
When I was a kid, and continuing until last year, my prayer life was like this: I would try to think prayers in my head. My prayers were rarely spoken aloud. The one exception was saying grace before a meal. Other than that, it was mostly mental. I remember being in college and scoffing at the written prayers said aloud by the Congregationalist pastor. My thinking at the time was something along the lines of, prayer should be a spontaneous thing that comes from your heart. It shouldn’t be something written down, and especially it should not be written by someone else.
As time went on, especially when my kids came along, my prayer life deteriorated. I tried to pray mentally during the day, but generally speaking, it was usually late at night when I was lying in bed that I would finally remember to pray. Many times just as I would start my mental prayer, I would fall asleep. Other times, I would be so stressed about whatever was happening at the time, that my mind ran in a million different directions. My prayer time was less like a conversation with God, and more like rumination.
As we went through our catechism class in the process of joining the church, we received a prayer book. It had a simple template for morning, noon, and evening prayers. Praying three times a day is an ancient Christian practice, even going back into the Old Testament times. (See notes at the end for Scripture references.) Having this template was helpful to me.
First, it has given me more structure, which ends up meaning that I’m more consistent about praying. It greases the skids a bit. Before, when I would try to make it all up from my head, I would end up not being very thorough. I would lose my train of thought, forget to pray about a lot of the things I wanted to pray about, and in general end up feeling frustrated with myself in the end. A template has made it so that I could get into a routine of praying about all the things, and it gave me the words to say. At the end of my prayer time now I feel more peaceful and less frustrated, and this peace extends throughout my day. That being said, there are still plenty of times that I forget to pray, or that I’m scattered and unfocused during prayer. I’m a work in progress.
Second, the written prayers help me to keep my focus on the right things. When I would try to mentally pray, many times what I noticed was my prayers were self-absorbed and me-centered. The written ones I use tend to be God-centered and focus on the big picture. It’s kind of like if you’ve ever read a passage and thought, “Yes! That’s exactly it. I’ve just never been able to put it into words before.” (This is a thought I often have when I’m reading C.S. Lewis.) That’s how I feel now about written prayers. Here’s a prayer I say every morning:
O Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace, help me in all things to rely upon your holy will.
In every hour of the day reveal your will to me.
Bless my dealings with all who surround me.
Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul and with firm conviction that Your will governs all.
In all my deeds and words, guide my thoughts and feelings.
In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by you.
Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others.
Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring.
Direct my will, teach me to pray.
And you, yourself, pray in me.
Amen.
Another thing I’ve changed is that most of my prayers are said aloud. This has been beneficial too. First of all, it’s made it easier to stay on track. I’m focused on saying the words out loud, and it’s harder (though not impossible!) for my mind to wander. The second thing, which I think might be more important, is that saying them out loud seems to strengthen my belief. For example, part of my routine is to say the Apostle’s creed, which starts, “I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ His only Son our Lord…”
There’s something about saying these things aloud that is different from thinking them mentally for me. Maybe it’s like this: I could just assume that my husband knows I love him, and never say the words aloud to him. But saying the words out loud is important, and not just because he needs to hear them, but because I need to say them out loud and affirm them to myself as well.
I’ve also found saying things out loud is an important part of thinking. To hear myself saying what I’m praying has shown me more clearly when I’m in fact being judgemental, or complaining, or otherwise in the wrong.
All this being said, I still pray silently at times. I also have prayers that I say that are more off the cuff. What I have found is that reciting prayers that are very old and written by someone else can be just as sincere and “from the heart,” as those that I make up off the top of my head. Ultimately, I believe all types of prayer can be beneficial, whether you’re creating everything from scratch, or if you’re using a prayer from thousands of years ago. The main thing, I think, is that we pray.
Notes:
Psalm 55:16-17, “As for me, I will call upon God, And the Lord shall save me. Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, And He shall hear my voice.”
Daniel 6:10, “Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went home. And in his upper room, with his windows open toward Jerusalem, he knelt down on his knees three times that day, and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as was his custom since early days.”
Ancient Christian document from the 1st or 2nd century AD, the Didache, 8:2&3, “And do not pray as the hypocrites, but as the Lord commanded in his Gospel, pray thus: “Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, as in Heaven so also upon earth; give us today our daily bread, and forgive us our debt as we forgive our debtors, and lead us not into trial, but deliver us from the Evil One, for thine is the power and the glory for ever.” 3. Pray thus three times a day.