“If a man does not master his circumstances then he is bound to be mastered by them.” -Count Rostov in A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles
I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot lately. A Gentleman in Moscow is a novel that centers on Count Rostov, a Russian who has been placed under house arrest in the Metropol Hotel by the Soviets after the Bolshevik revolution. He must become accustomed to a life with restricted freedoms; he’s not allowed to leave the confines of the hotel, ever. Many Americans now find themselves in a similar situation, being ordered to shelter-in-place for an undefined period of time, though at least we can still leave our homes and get supplies when necessary, and eventually, we’ll all be free to move about the country again. But for the time being, our freedoms are being restricted and we all must try to master the circumstances we find ourselves in.
My life during this time of coronavirus is much the same as it always has been. My family has been full-time RVing for the past 2 years, and we lead a relatively solitary existence. We earn our income digitally and are location independent. We tend to hang out in nature, we go out to eat once every couple of months, and the only regular shopping we do is to go to Wal-Mart once a week for groceries and necessities. We do an exploration day on Thursdays, though for now we explore making baked goods and watching movies or playing games in the RV.
A couple of weeks ago, Florida closed its state parks, which is where we had been staying. With public parks being closed, our remaining options were to stay at a private park or to travel to a state whose public parks were still open. Private parks tend to be more cramped and crowded, and we were trying to do the right thing by being further away from other campers. We traveled a few hours north to Georgia in order to stay in its state parks. The campsites are all well away from each other, and we’ve found it very easy to stay the required distance apart from all other campers. This past Friday, Georgia’s governor put forth a statewide shelter in place order, and pressure is mounting on him to take it a step further and close the state parks. It’s likely that it’s just a matter of time before we’ll be forced to move on again, but where to? is the question.
Even if Georgia’s state parks stay open, they have a rule that states the maximum length of stay is 2 weeks, so we must move that frequently whether we want to or not. There are about 1 million full-time RVers in America, and from what I hear we’re all doing the best we can to stay in one place, but the governments’ actions are making it more and more difficult. As states are shutting down state parks, that makes private RV parks more crowded (which is what we’re all trying to avoid, isn’t it?) It doesn’t stop there. Some governors are deeming private RV parks “nonessential” and forcing them to close as well.
This puts us in a bit of a limbo. At this point, we’re not sure what will be open (or what might be ordered to close after we get there) and what restrictions might be in place if we must head to a different state. We could perhaps go stay with family, but this is not a good option either. First of all, my parents and my inlaws fall in the higher risk groups. Secondly, some local governments are ordering all non-residents out of the county, so we’d be violating local law if we went and stayed.
In other words, our circumstances are uncertain. But I’m determined to master my circumstances. This is a situation that most of us, myself included, have never had to deal with before. I’ve been monitoring myself closely, and here’s what I’ve learned so far.
Like the Count, I’ve found being disciplined and staying in a routine is helpful. I start the day like I always have, with reading four chapters in the Bible and Matthew 6:25-34 (a habit I’ve been in for the past year.) I do my own version of the five-minute journal, which includes writing down three things I’m grateful for. I consume a few chapters of whatever book I’m currently reading (right now it’s To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee). Then I begin my work making videos, writing, recording podcasts, and updating my website, while my kids homeschool and my husband does his work. I stay productive until it’s time to go for my six-mile walk, which takes about two hours. After a shower, it’s supper time. We all sit down to the table together as a family and talk about the good parts and the bad parts of our day, with no devices at the table and no tv on in the background. Afterward, there’s a bit more reading or hanging out with the family, and then we’re all in bed by 8 or so. That’s a good day, a day where I’ve mastered my circumstances.
But sometimes my circumstances have mastered me. When I become undisciplined my day goes into a negative spiral. In the past weeks, my bad days have followed a basic pattern. I would first make the mistake of checking Facebook upon waking, which meant I was inundated with bad news and negativity from the get-go. That would lead me to fact check the news, which then led to frustration, then down a rabbit hole of further research. I’d inevitably lose track of time. After a while, I’d force myself to put down my phone and read the Bible and do my journal, but I would do it in a state of utter distraction. Afterward, I’d go back to Facebook to see what other people were saying, all the while trying my best to understand both sides of the argument. I would try to work, but I’d keep finding myself back on Facebook or researching, and on and on it would go. By the end of the day, I would be frustrated and upset, and my optimism would be severely lacking. An overall sense of overwhelm would settle on me.
When I’ve had a day like that, I don’t sleep well that night. I have a hard time falling asleep and then resort to checking my phone, which puts me back into the Facebook-research-Facebook loop. I will finally nod off but then wake up at an ungodly hour. I’ll toss and I’ll turn, and soon I’ll pick up my phone. I always promise myself I’ll read a book on Kindle, but sure enough, after a while, I’ll find myself searching and researching and scrolling through my newsfeed. Eventually, I’ll tell myself Enough! and try to go back to sleep, but my brain just won’t turn off. Finally, morning comes and the rest of my family wakes up. I begin my day and try to learn my lesson. I endeavor to break the negative spiral and be disciplined throughout that day.
I have found a silver lining in having these bad days. It made me sit down and think about social media and what, if anything, it has added to my life. There were obviously some good things. I like keeping up with my family and friends, seeing photos of them and their kids, and laughing at funny stories they share. On the other hand, much of my stress in life has come from being on social media. Witnessing arguments in my real life is rare, while on Facebook I see them daily. It has also made me lazy about making deeper connections with my family. Have you truly connected if you “haha” about a funny thing they post once a week? It doesn’t feel like a real connection to me. I can’t tell you how many hours of my life I’ve spent on social media. Right now the average person is spending 2 hours and 22 minutes a day on it, so I imagine it adds up to quite a chunk of time. Despite all that time on various platforms, I generally feel less connected after I spend time on them. Last night I had a 13-minute video chat with my sister, and I feel like I got more connection out of that than I had in a whole year’s worth of social media use.
When I looked back over the years I calculated that on balance, social media had been a net negative. I could recall plenty of arguments and drama, but few positive events and interactions. The drama from Facebook taints my mood (even when I’m not a part of it) which then bleeds into my real-life interactions with the people around me. Social media generally took me away from my family and these recent events have made that crystal clear. One night I actually walked out of the room as we were mixing up cookie dough so that I could go check my Facebook feed. I should be taken out and beaten with a wet noodle for such behavior.
It’s taken something this ridiculous to get me to finally take some action. I downloaded all my data from my accounts, and then permanently deleted them. My plan is to build stronger connections with my family and friends via texting, video chats, and meeting up in real life when that’s allowed again.
Of course, deleting social media doesn’t make all of my problems go away. There are plenty of other ways negativity and fear can creep in and make circumstances feel overwhelming. For example, I generally stay away from the news, but the current circumstances make it somewhat necessary. When it comes to trying to understand the virus, I focus on reading full-length articles written by medical doctors and epidemiologists. For example, these researchers are now saying that the overall mortality rate of coronavirus is likely .66%. That’s the type of information I’m focusing on. To get information about closures and travel advisories, I go straight to the official government websites, and even then I try to check it only when we truly need to, not based on wondering if anything has changed today.
In the end, I’m doing my best to live in day-tight compartments, which is an idea from How To Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. Although really it’s a much older idea: “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof (Matthew 6:34).” Amen.